Inhibitions
by Mikey Parkas
Summary: With everything that's been happening lately, Chase feels more alone than ever, until a certain someone offers him some false hope.


So, er, I was getting bloody bored with my story "Realizations". It is coming along oh so slowly, and in the mean time, I just spat out this little thing. Please read and review. Your comments are, as always, much appreciated. Thanks.  
Disclaimer: I don't own these folks. Boo.

Inhibitions

It was late, after midnight, when an exhausted Robert Chase finally took his leave of Princeton Plainsboro teaching hospital. He was absolutely beat and wanted nothing more than to go home and crash for the night. It was a Friday, thank God, and Chase planned to take advantage of the fact and sleep in until noon or so the next day. It was unlikely that he would be able to, but the thought of it brightened his spirits enough for him to at least make it to his car with out collapsing.

The night was cool, and it was a refreshing change from the sterile, sometimes stale environment of the hospital. Chase felt as though he had just spent the last ten years of his life in there, running tests and doing mindless scut work for House. A new patient had come in that morning, and from everything Chase could tell, the guy had lupus. But who was he to make the diagnosis? It wasn't his call, and because of it and House's stubbornness, Chase now had a stiff neck, burning eyes, and a massive headache.

Chase shook his pounding head, wondering where he got the energy to feel angry at House. Perhaps it was on account of him being the only doctor in the hospital who was made to do such boring work. He hadn't gone to med school just for House to make him spend all evening reading up on all the forty million ways possible for lupus to present itself. In his opinion, not to mention that of pretty much anyone and everyone holding a medical degree, a man with lupus should be given the treatment for lupus. But with House, the obvious treatment was the wrong treatment. The man was insane, always looking for puzzles to solve that didn't exist. Sometimes, he was right. But not this time. This time, the simplest answer was the easiest, but because of House's stubbornness, Chase was paying dearly in time and energy.

"Chase!" He sighed, a feeling of exasperation coming over him. He had been so close to escape, to leaving behind the world of medicine for the night and becoming no more than an anonymous bystander to life, a position which he imagined was probably a lot less tiresome than the one he held now.

Slowly he turned around, bracing himself for the news that the patient had gone into cardiac arrest or something equally terrible. It would mean returning to the hospital, more mind-numbing work for him to do while Cameron and Foreman got to do all of the real thinking and procedures.

"Chase!" It was Cameron, calling him again because she thought he hadn't heard. Chase lifted his eyes and willed them to open. Surprisingly, she was not in her lab coat, but in her warm winter coat with her purse in hand, looking like she, too, was on her way home.

"Is something the matter?" Chase asked wearily, and with a little more annoyance than he had meant.

Taken aback, Cameron slowed down from her earlier brisk pace and managed a small smile as she approached him. She shook her head.

"No. I was just on my way out."

"Yeah. Me, too. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Cameron cocked her head at him as her smile faded slightly. "I was wondering if you were up for a drink?"

Chase sighed and shook his head. "Sorry. Any other night I'd probably say yes. But I'm tired Cameron. Can I take a rain check?" he said it as kindly as possible, hoping not to hurt her feeling. Thankfully, she smiled and nodded understandingly.

"Yeah, sure. Maybe tomorrow." She looked down for a second, smoothing out invisible wrinkles on her coat. "Look, I know House is making you do a lot of work that frankly, I'd be pissed if he made me do. I just want you to know that I feel for you. I mean, it's not fair at all. Researching all the different ways lupus presents? As if House doesn't already know all of them." Her smile had all but disappeared, and her brow was now creased with worry. Chase almost couldn't help but smile at her concern. So he shrugged, playing it off as nothing.

"I don't mind. House doesn't like me, and he thinks I'm an idiot. Why shouldn't he make me do all the mindless work?"

He was surprised to see something like anger blossom in Cameron's eyes. "That's not true. He just thinks he can humiliate you and make you miserable. You're not an idiot, and I don't think House thinks you're one either."

"I know I'm not an idiot, Cameron. But why else would he give me such boring work to do?"

"Because he's a bastard?" she smiled at him, and Chase felt something flutter in his stomach, and he realized that it had been way too long since someone had showed him any concern. His father had died and written him out of the will, and he no longer kept in touch with his step mother; there was no reason to. Chase was all alone now, and that on top of House making him feel like crap all the time was beginning to weight him down. But now Cameron was standing before him, either actually caring about him or else doing a damn good job pretending. Cameron didn't pretend though. She was sincere as she was beautiful, and here in the moonlight, feeling as tired and alone as he had ever felt, he couldn't help but notice it. She was beautiful indeed. Chase could tell that she was tired, too, but still, she looked amazing.

"Chase?"

He realized he had been silent now for some time, and he shook his head, trying to clear it of the fog that had somehow invaded it.

"Yeah. Uh, sorry. Spacing out a bit here. Like I said, I'm tired." He shrugged apologetically, hoping she hadn't seen the moment of vulnerability that he had felt. She didn't look like it though, and for that, Chase was grateful.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I know you probably want to get home. You've only been here since, what, six o'clock, right?"

He nodded, his own head feeling heavy on his shoulders as he struggled to keep his eyes open. "Yup. Had to get an early start on those journals you know."

Cameron reached out, placing a hand on his arm. "I'm really sorry he's making you do all of that. If there's anyway I can help…"

Chase shook is head. "Thanks. But I finished them all up just a little while ago. Didn't learn a bloody thing from it all." He forced a laugh, trying not to let her see just how frustrating it all made him feel. He killed one patient, and House was punishing him for life. All doctors killed patients now and again. It was inevitable.

"Right. Well, you should probably get on home then, get some rest. House wants us in tomorrow."

Rolling his eyes and groaning, Chase leaned heavily against his car. "Damn." He closed his eyes. "Wonder what he'll have me doing tomorrow. Cleaning vomit? Changing diapers in the NICU?" A sigh escaped him, and for a moment, Cameron could see just how run down and weary the poor guy was. She had noticed the toll his father's death had taken on him, not to mention his suspension and the guilt of having killed patient. It couldn't be blamed entirely on him. House was at fault, too. Cameron felt for him, and wondered how he was managing it all alone. He probably wasn't.

"Are you gonna be able to get yourself home?" She asked, her hand still on his arm.

His eyes opened again, the forced smile returned. "Sure."

Cameron shook her head. "I don't think you should be driving. You're bone tired, probably gonna cause an accident. Maybe give that guy up on the third floor that heart he's been waiting for. Come one. I'll give you a ride."

He held up his hands and frowned. "No, thanks though. I couldn't ask you to do that. I'll manage."

She took old of him with both arms and began to lead him towards he car. "Don't lie. You'll never make it in this state. You're practically falling asleep talking to me, and I know I'm not that boring. When was the last time you slept anyway?" she asked, noting the dark circles that were under his eyes. They had been there for months now, and she knew some combination of guilt and loneliness must have been keeping him awake at night.

Not even trying to resist, and with his eyes already drooping, he grinned boyishly. "It's not you."

"What?"

"I'm not falling asleep because I'm talking to you. You're not boring or anything."

A smile couldn't keep itself from spreading across her face at the Aussie's charm.

"I know."

Hastily unlocking her car doors, she climbed in, only after making sure that Chase was in. It was cold, and she turned on the heat, hoping it would be quick in warming up.

"Alright. Let's get you home."

Chase nodded and mumbled something or other in reply, but she could see that he was already dozing off. Head tilted back and eyes closed, he almost looked cute. Cameron had to remind herself that she liked her men tall, dark and handsome. Not that Chase wasn't handsome, but tall and dark? No.

They drove in silence, Chase's head occasionally dropping as he fought sleep. It was a comfortable silence, only disturbed slightly each time Cameron shifted gears, her elbow brushing against Chase, sending tiny bolts of electricity through him and jolting him awake. It _was_ electric. He remembered longingly the one night they had spent together. For awhile afterwards, he had felt bad about it. She had been completely wasted, and Chase had to wonder if she would have kissed him like that had she been sober. But it hadn't "sucked", as he had put it at the time, so the memory still lingered within him each time he saw her.

Chase hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep when the car came to a stop in front of his apartment, the sudden brake waking him.

"Here we are. Home sweet home, Chase. You want me to pick you up tomorrow morning?"

He arched an eyebrow, smiling. "I think I'll be plenty able to function by tomorrow."

"Yeah. What with your car still being at the hospital, it should be a piece of cake, huh?"

Chase's mind was slow to register what she was saying, so he could only keep the grin on his face and invite her inside. "How about that drink now?"

Wary of what she could be getting herself into, Cameron nodded. "Okay."

The inside of Chase's apartment was spacious, but as they walked through it into the kitchen, Cameron couldn't help but notice the lack of…self. There was no evidence whatsoever that Chase lived here, except for maybe the stack of unopened mail on a coffee table in the living room. It was completely impersonal, like no one occupied the place at all. She wondered why this was, but could come up with no explanation on her own, and as she sat at the kitchen table, she wasn't inclined to ask. Chase seemed to be a little more refreshed now that he was home. Or maybe it had been his nap in the car. It was almost two o'clock, and by now, Cameron was beginning to feel somewhat tied herself.

Setting down a scotch in front of Cameron, Chase took the seat opposite her at the table. Raising his glass to her in tradition, he murmured "Cheers" before tossing off his own shot. She smiled back, beginning to feel slightly uncomfortable. "Cheers." She mumbled and took a sip.

Looking around the kitchen, she searched for something worthy of striking up a conversation over. But the kitchen was just as sparsely furnished and under-decorated as the rest of the house and left the eyes bored with all of the bare walls. Chase didn't seem to be too bothered by it though. He was more interested in pretending to be interested in his scotch while he stole a few not-so-discreet glances at Cameron. The silence was beginning to become awkward. Taking a breath, Cameron quickly downed the rest of her drink, grimacing slightly at the taste. She stood.  
"Well Chase, thanks for the drink. I'm pretty worn out. I should be getting along."  
For a moment, Chase just sat, a slightly dumbfounded expression on his face. He snapped out of it pretty fast, though and jumped up alongside Cameron.  
"You don't have to go. Really. I mean," he was stuttering and something about his behaviour had become disturbing. All of the weariness he had felt only moment before had all but disappeared, replaced now by an almost manic energy, which he was directing at Cameron in an effort to make her stay. Chase didn't want to be alone tonight. Or any night for that matter. He'd spent too many long nights in bed alone, his bitter thoughts as his only company.

"I just meant, I know you're tired too Allison. And now you've had a drink and…and I worry is all." His voice was timid, almost childlike, and Cameron wondered at how this man had gone before her very eyes from being the all manly and stubborn to this mumbling, lost little boy. He had called her Allison. It wasn't a good sign, and she was beginning to think that all the mindless scut work he'd been forced to do lately was starting to get to him.

She placed a gentle hand on his arm, and was surprised at how…fragile he felt. He flinched slightly. "Chase. C'mon. You know I can't stay. We've both got work tomorrow, and House will give us enough hell as it is since we have to come in together anyway." She felt the muscles in his arm tense as she said it, then felt it relax.

Chase met her eyes, and they looked desperate and sad, and…haunted. "Cameron." She let go of his arm, backing slowly away. "Allison. I just meant, you know, I can sleep on the couch or something. It's not like…"  
"You may not mean it like that, but it's not that simple Chase. Trust me. It's a bad idea." She said it kindly, but saying it was a bad idea had been, well, a bad idea. Cameron saw something behind his eyes change, and she wondered what he was thinking.

"Bad idea, huh?" It didn't sound angry, or even bitter. Just sad. "I seem to have a lot of those, don't I?" He was talking to himself more than Cameron. "Maybe it was a bad idea to stop talking to my father, and a bad idea to..to…" he sighed. "Cameron, I just don't wanna be alone anymore. Not tonight. Just say you'll stay…" There was a pleading tone to his voice, and for a moment, Cameron allowed herself to feel a massive amount of pity for him. His hand on her arm caused her to jump slightly, and she felt his hands wrapping slowly around her body. "Please say you'll stay with me." She heard Chase whisper into her ear. "Don't leave me alone tonight."

Saturday morning was sunny and almost on the warm side. Cameron had an almost giddy feeling as she walked across the hospital parking lot, letting the breeze play through her hair. The feeling was diminished though, when she saw Chase's car, still in it's spot from last night. There has been a very brief message on her machine when she got home late last night, shaken by her encounter with Chase. She had never seen him like that before, and it had scared her.

"_Hey, Cameron, it's Chase. Look. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you or anything. I'm just tired, that's all, not quite myself. I'm gonna take a sick day tomorrow so I can get some rest, so don't worry about picking me up for work. If House doesn't like it, tell him to kiss my ass." A pause and a breath. "And I really am sorry Cameron...Goodnight."_

As much as she would have like to stay the night and get good and laid for once with a hot guy, Cameron felt it would have been wrong. Chase had been down of late, missing his father and working way too much over time. She thought it would have been taking advantage of him. The only upside to the situation was that she might get to tell House to kiss ass.  
The hospital was busy, just like any other day, and Cameron hurried past all of the nurses and patients that crowded the halls and the elevator. She was running slightly behind, and although _she _knew she hadn't slept with Chase again, House would more than likely be suspicious of her lateness and his absence.

House was already in his office, in the middle of some sort of argument with Foreman.

"C'mon. It's not you never did anything like that."  
House pulled a sarcastic, all-knowing face. "You're right. Everything I did was so much cooler."

"Talking about stealing cars and doing drugs?" Cameron asked cheerily, whilst Foreman rolled his eyes. House gave her a "duh" look and sat down, tossing his cane onto the table to cut off Foreman's next comment. "That's it Foreman. Not another word. It has been officially established that I am _way_ cooler than you. Dr. Cameron."  
Cameron looked up from the coffee cup she was slowly stirring sugar into to give House a cool stare. "Yes?"  
"You're late." She opened her mouth to reply, but House held up a hand to forestall her. "You know my rule. Just come in, sit down, and do your job." He gave Foreman a look before continuing. "While one might think highly of you for doing more or less just that, you made one very big mistake." His eyes lit up with amusement, and he waited for her reaction. Oddly, it wasn't what he had expected.  
"Word on the grapevine is that you and Dr. Chase left together yesterday. Big mistake."  
Foreman looked astounded and amazed. "What! You two did it again? Cameron, what the hell's wrong with you?"

Cameron managed to keep any embarrassment from her face. "What? Chase was beat and not fit to get himself home, so I took him." She smiled mock-sweetly at House. "And he said he's not coming in today, and to tell you if you don't like it, you can kiss his ass."  
"I assume it was "ass" with a long 'a', him being British and all?" House asked, completely ignoring the rest of Cameron's statement. She smiled and rolled her eyes in disbelief.   
"Yeah. Now that you mention it, it was. Now come on, both of you. I didn't sleep with Chase, end of story."  
The phone rang and Foreman, not eager to become a part of this argument, jumped to answer it. "Yeah, but you so wanted to, right?" House shot back, grinning to himself.  
Cameron didn't justify this remark with an answer, but instead took a seat at the table and began to study the case folder in front of her.   
"What?" Foreman, on the phone, sounded confused. "Slow down. What exactly are you saying." House and Cameron both looked over, curious. They watched as Foreman's face went from one of confusion to awe to disbelief. He hung up the phone, and House and Cameron could both faintly hear that someone was still talking on the other line. Foreman stood up, taking a few steps and staring only at the floor. House frowned.

"Well, are you gonna explain, or just leave us dying if anticipation and unwarranted, nosy curiosity?" House asked. Foreman looked up at them both, and the look in his eyes made Cameron's stomach cave in on itself.  
"That was the police. It's Chase. He's…I mean, he's..dead. He killed himself. Last night."

End

Damn, and I kind of liked Chase, too. And to think, when I started this, I intended it to end with Chase and Cameron hooking up and living happily ever after with 47 children. Hmm. This is what happens when I don't take my Wellbutrin. I kill characters. Ooops. Reviews are always good. Those people who always review are like the foam on my latte.

Tks, Ana D.


End file.
